did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
