I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
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is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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