There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
