You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
