btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
