I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
