I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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