Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
