her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
