One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
