i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
