I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
