I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
