Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
