Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
