her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
