he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
