Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's shark week go big or go home
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
