Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
