can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
