I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
he had hair everywhere except his balls
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
