I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
