morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
