Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
