I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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