sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
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I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
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At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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