I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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