Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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