youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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