omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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