there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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