I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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