remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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