So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
