Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
