lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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