I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
