she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
