It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
