its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
