I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
