best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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