Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
