Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
