At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I could fuck to npr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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