he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
this will be a night to untag.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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