am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
