I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
