you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize