nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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