Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
