if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
