I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
3pm strippers are depressing
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
