mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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