mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize