Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
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wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
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I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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