FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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