just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
