can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
