she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
