Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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