I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
