I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
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