i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
