fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
