I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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