I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
