So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
