I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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