nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
