We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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