I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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