i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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