I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
