Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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