he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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