singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
