There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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